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    © Jane Perrone

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    "Don't look at me like that. You'd have filled up at the All-You-Can-Eat buffet too, if you weren't too vain to wear your baggier shell when we go out."

    Snail: "Which way to Jane's new place?"
    Slug: "Follow me!"

    "This is certainly a Gastropod Garden isn't it," said the snail to the slug

    "I'm telling you, the new folk have opened a pub. Fancy a drink?"

    Snail: 'Yes, your bum does look big in that'

    I know you're not my Mum but please can I have a piggyback?

    Snail: "15 Cabbage Row please driver."

    Snail: Oooh, yes, that's hit the spot. That's exactly where the itch is. Now just scratch it for me pleeeeeaaaase.

    And they said you were a gentleman.
    Get off my back you slimeball.

    brace yourself browny

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    Please note ...

    • All the views expressed in this blog are my own and do not reflect the views of my employer. If, that is, Guardian Newspapers has a view on composting, dahlias and the best way to feed tomatoes.

    Bette Midler on gardening:


    • "My whole life had been spent waiting for an epiphany, a manifestation of God's presence, the kind of transcendent, magical experience that lets you see your place in the big picture. And that is what I had with my first compost heap."

    October 2009

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